Dear Maddisen:
I’m a loner. It has its pros and cons. But I think it’s causing most of my suffering. I think I isolate sometimes because I feel less worthy, and I think I isolate sometimes because I feel superior. What’s true?! How do I stop suffering? Thanks, RL
Dear RL:
What a great question – thank you. I believe you are addressing a topic that many of us can relate to. The lie is ‘separation’. And this is why we suffer when we think we’re separate or alone in life. The truth is ‘oneness’, meaning we are all one, we all come from the same source oneness, and we all return to the same source oneness. All of us are one.
Think about it – when you watch a daytime or nighttime soap opera or drama, the suffering is always caused by separation – whether it comes in the form of a loss, a loss of love, a relationship, death, a misunderstanding, and so on. When our oneness or soul connection is cut off, we suffer!
The suffering informs us that we’ve disconnected from the oneness, our wholeness. This is what you so clearly describe in your question, RL. Being a loner can indeed have its pros, as you say, because it saves us from having to connect with others who we perceive as different or undesirable, and possibly dangerous or threatening. But relationships, ALL OF THEM, support our learning and growth, especially our learning about who we are, which may also take lots of courage, self honesty, and honesty with others. So I strongly commend you RL, for realizing all of this so honestly and clearly! This means you’re ready to begin reconnecting more into your natural state of oneness with others and life – and to suffer LESS!
I’m Too Sexy for My Shirt – Not!
The other excellent point you made is how sometimes you feel less worthy and sometimes you feel superior. This could be the case, however, I believe this is just another way the ego keeps us separate, and confused. More often, when we feel less worthy, we mask it by pretending to feel superior.
Feeling less worthy is a very common core misinterpretation that many people feel. No one is less worthy than anyone else. No one. Never. We are all offspring of the same creating source, which some call God, Higher Power, Spirit, Source, etc. Feeling less worthy is another lie, because it separates us and causes us to suffer.
Goodbye Suffering! Hello Oneness!
When we realize that we are all one and equal by birthright, the suffering stops. And so does the soap opera. Which is why the lie of separation is so difficult to extinguish in our society! After all, what would we do without drama?! At least the drama that entertains us, for example, during out night time television viewing, or even during our daily lives – at home and at work. Drama has its benefits, I guess, because it motivates us to find solutions that involve reconnection! But we also want to be careful about getting hooked on drama for the rush it provides. Drama can make us feel alive! But in the end, it usually causes us more suffering than happiness, and can also be detrimental to our physical health. The moral of the story is – choose your drama consciously, knowing that happiness sources from connection, oneness, and love! Do we choose the thrill of suffering or the bliss of peace? The drama most worth choosing is full immersion in one's heartfelt life purpose.
And so, RL, perhaps allow yourself to ease or lesson your suffering by taking small steps to connect with people more. Perhaps reaching out to a friend or two, or joining a group activity that interests you. Step out of your loner comfort zone and allow yourself the pleasure of connecting; knowing that you are worthy, and knowing that you are not superior – but rather that you are just connecting in friendship and love with others for mutual joy and mutual benefit. Set your intentions for the highest good of all involved. Then, it’s also ok to have your alone or solo time – nothing wrong with that. Do it when it feeds you and feels good.
Forgive Yourself for Judging Yourself
And if you feel yourself judging yourself or others, practice self forgiveness, which I’ve blogged about frequently. The self forgiveness goes like this:
Start with the expression, "I forgive myself for judging myself for/as..." or “I forgive myself for believing the lie that...", and then add whatever the judgments are. Say the phrases aloud. For example, "I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy.” Or, “I forgive myself for judging myself as a loner.” Or, “I forgive myself for judging other people as inferior.” Next, follow with this phrasing: "Because the truth is...", and then add the positive traits you know or sense to be true about yourself and others. For example, "Because the truth is I love life and am worthy of life and love.” Or, "Because the truth is I don’t want to suffer anymore.” Or, "Because the truth is I want to connect with others and have more fun.” To practice self forgiveness on-the-fly, anytime, anywhere, say the core phrase by itself, "I forgive myself for judging myself."
Dr. Laskow is Coming Back!
And stay tuned for more information that I’ll share in a blog soon, about the workshop I’m producing in September in Los Angeles, with the esteemed Leonard Laskow, M.D. – called “Opening to Oneness through Love.” In his 3-day life changing seminar, Dr. Laskow will lead us in directly experiencing the loving presence that we really are beyond the conditioning and concepts of who we think we are. In awakening to the Oneness underlying our uniqueness, we come Home again, divinely embraced. I’ve done this workshop with Dr. Laskow before, and it is truly life changing and a powerful way to feel and know the truth and power of our loving oneness.
Know that you are not separate, ever, even when you think you are!
“A person experiences life as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. Our task must be to free ourselves from this self-imposed prison, and through compassion, to find the reality of Oneness.” – Albert Einstein
“Love, at its deepest level, is the awakening to Oneness. When loving presence flows through the heart, it shifts the vibration of the inner energy body into resonance with your essential nature – with the truth of who you really are and with the truth of what is. It is love that links form with essence." – Leonard Laskow, M.D.
“Separation between you and others means separation between you and God, and separation from God produces not power, but rather a hidden hysteria." – Marianne Williamson
"The path of least suffering is the path of oneness." - Maddisen Krown
Your Life Coach,
Maddisen
Copyright 2013 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.