It’s one thing to be in an established relationship as New Year’s Eve approaches and Valentine’s Day lurks not far behind, but another to have just met someone and be faced with the question of what’s too much and too soon.
Emotions on those occasions run high, and expectations can be a bit unrealistic. Laying everything on the line may put a new relationship at risk before you’ve had time to ease into it. You might even be tempted to rush into things with someone before you’ve done the due diligence that you usually do.
Make Sure You’re Safe
If you’ve met this new someone online or at a bar, you may be infatuated and want to throw caution to the winds. After all, in the first glow of dating, everyone is on his or her best behavior. But to ensure your safety, don’t put off doing a bit of background checking at an arrest lookup site just to be sure.
Sites like these search public records and can give you data about marital status, bankruptcies, and other background information you may find significant. (Surely you’ve learned by now that some people just flat out lie.) It’s worth it to know that the person you’ve got your eye on is the person you think he or she is.
Now with that out of the way, let’s move on to those special days on the calendar and other fraught occasions coming up for your new relationship. Here are a few tips:
New Year’s Eve
December 31 is just another day, really, but we make it such a big deal that having a date for that night becomes a benchmark of our self-worth.
No Date?
Is that someone you just met going to ask you out or are you going to sit at home with your cat making “poor me” noises and eating all the raspberry jam with your fingers?
And so what if he doesn’t and you do. Take the opportunity to clean out your closet, reorganize your spices, make a list of healthy resolutions, and do some crunches before bed.
Just kidding. Finish the jam, have a dance with your cat, buy a lot of stuff online that you don’t need, and fall asleep on the couch before midnight. If he calls tomorrow and asks what you did, tell him the truth.
You Have a Date!
But say you are going to get together with the potential person of your dreams. Yay for you! Just don’t drink so much champagne that you start spilling intimate details that belong to a much later state in a relationship, if ever.
Give your all to a kiss at midnight, but don’t take it further unless you’d do it even if it weren’t New Year’s Eve. And do not drunk text when you get home and in any way mention the word love. Just don’t.
Giving Gifts
At least Christmas is past and you don’t have to worry about that present. But maybe there’s a birthday on the near horizon, and there’s certainly February 14th to consider.
In the early stages of a relationship, gifts carry so much emotional weight that it’s a wonder a person can lift them. You barely know this person, but you want the gift to express psychic insight into his passions, your own inner self, and your hopes and dreams about your future together. You want the gift to be casual yet more perfect than anything anyone’s ever given him. As if that’s going to happen.
Here’s the deal. If you give something that’s too personal, insanely expensive, or plain weird, you are going to freak someone out. If you’ve only been dating a few weeks or even a couple of months, the best gifts are thoughtful but not excessive. What you want is something that indicates you’ve observed what he likes but steers clear of over-commitment. A new book by his favorite author, for example, rather than a sweater you’ve knitted in his college colors.
Introducing Him or Her to Your Family
Maybe your family celebrates Twelfth Night, or it’s your niece’s ballet recital, or your parents’ anniversary party. Absolutely invite your new person to come along as your date. Just don’t make a big ceremony about it. Don’t alert the troops with so much information in advance that you’re afraid of what your mother is going to divulge when she meets him.
One big caveat: don’t invite him as a buffer so you don’t have to get into it with your brother-in-law. That’s way too much pressure to put on someone you’ve been to the movies with a few times.